I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
