I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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