dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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