brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i already hear my dad disowning me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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