Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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