Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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