i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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