The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
