I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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