apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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