Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
