Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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