he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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