Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
