i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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