I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
