I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
