How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
