how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
