I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
