If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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