...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
