break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
