I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i came on her dog
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
