I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
