home. puking in laundry basket.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you never un-have a 4some
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
