I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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