god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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