Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
