You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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