My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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