Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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