My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i would punch a child for taco bell
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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