So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
