im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
