your room smells of hookers.
And success
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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