It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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