She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
