he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
