dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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