and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
