I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
