Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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