I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
