I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
