Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
how drunk are you?
Several
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
