I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
