Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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