hotel room ftw
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
