dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
