just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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