I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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